Well, I'm glad to see that this fic is continuing despite the loss of the original thread. I really like the ideas behind this one, after all. :smilie:
I liked the inner conflicts within Magby in this chapter. First of all, the issue of whether or not to support Damon is still great, as it's really the central theme of the fic to this point. The contrast between Damon and Rylan was surprising, and that made it all the more effective. The wishful thinking of sorts really worked well. And the "evolution" was also great. I can sort of see now how that aspect of it works... very well done. I never really thought of it as being a conscious choice before. Nice.
However, it would probably be a good idea for you to pay more attention to your tenses. There were numerous instances in which you slipped into the present tense in your narration. Make sure you keep the narration interesting and dynamic, too. Using too many choppy sentences in a row can be bad, as can describing scenes with nothing but straightforward facts and references to actions. (The end of the first paragraph and the majority of the sixth paragraph come to mind.)
Still, this was done well for the most part. You use conflicts very effectively in this fic, and the way you make them overlap adds a lot of depth to the situations and the characters. It will certainly be interesting to see the decisions that will follow. I look forward to seeing the next installment here! Well, until then!