Twisted Wishes v.11 (LV Approved)

[Fett One]

Granted but you achieve this by destroying all of your possessions and killing everyone in your life, so you are left with nothing but yourself.

I wish Dracula would become a force for good and protect the world from monsters.

[Knight of Time]

Granted, but he loses his blood sucking ability in addition to his weaknesses being magnified.

I wish future episodes of The Simpsons would no longer have Homer strangle Bart after saying "Why you little!".

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, now Homer strangles Bart without any warning.

I wish to live in Mushroom Kingdom.

[Fett One]

Granted but it's the mushroom kingdom from the movie Sonic the Hedgehog.

I wish to be able to read books at twice the speed that I'm currently reading them.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but your ability to comprehend what you read drops by 50%.

I wish to live in the bronze age.

[Fett One]

Granted, nuclear war breaks out and all of the destruction causes the world to revert back to living like it's the bronze age.

I wish Marvel would make a new Daredevil movie.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, Marvel stops making movies about all of their characters besides Daredevil.

I wish I could work for Marvel.

[Fett One]

Granted, you get a job working for Marvel as a coffee boy, with no chance of promotion.

I wish for a Spider-Man 2099 movie to be made.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, the movie will be situated in Egypt 2099 BC. It features Peter Parker turning into a tiny poisonous spider. Too bad he accidentally stings Wahankh Intef II. Luckily the Pharaoh receives help from Serket, the goddess, and is healed, but as a punishment, Peter Parker is stuck in that form until he finally dies on the 21st of October 2000 BC.

I wish I was better at using computers.

[Fett One]

Granted, you become better at using only the computers from 1984.

I wish to own a working USS Enterprise.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. You get a Star Wars themed Battleship game that has a USS Enterprise as the 5 hole ship, but in your first game of Battleship, your opponent sinks it first and goes on to sink all of your other ships without losing a single ship himself.

I wish that futuristic stores were equipped with force fields that would trap and immobilize any thief trying to leave with something they stole from the store.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but those force fields immobilize also paying customers due to greedy shopkeepers.

I wish to become a superhero.

[Fett One]

Granted, you become a superhero in your dreams once a month.

I wish to invent the world's greatest video game console.

[Knight of Time]

Granted, but it only works if you put a game from every existing system (also including Japanese systems) in each of its many cartridge and disc slots.

I wish I had a lifetime supply of carbon dioxide cannisters for my SodaStream.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but your SodaStream itself gets broken, as well as all the SodaStreams you buy afterwards.

I wish to rule the universe.

[Fett One]

Granted but your reign only last a few seconds because you are attacked and captured by Skeletor who also wants to be ruler of the universe.

I wish all food tastes like pizza.

[Knight of Time]

Granted, but the foods are all mixed together, causing them to all taste like...yuck (aka you probably wouldn't want to taste them).

I wish Donald Trump was trapped in a mirror much like how Sonic and his friends were trapped in them in Archie's comic book adaptation of Knuckles' Chaotix.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, Trump is caught in your mirror, so you see his face every day when you look at yourself.

I wish people respected each other more.

[Fett One]

Granted but people respect themselves even less, leading to a global depression pandemic.

I wish working from home would continue indefinitely.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. Working from home becomes the norm, but this defeats the purpose of working from home for people whose homes lack the stuff they need to work (from home).

I wish Facebook had more private groups with tight rules that result in offenders getting the boot if they complain in those groups about rules they broke.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted. Those who complain will be arrested IRL and sentenced to life imprisonment without any mobile devices or computers or anything they would use to get into Facebook.

I wish to be able to sing Sono Chi no Sadame as good as Hiroaki 'Tommy' Tominaga.

[Fett One]

Granted but you can only sing the one song really good while every other song you sing sounds terrible.

I wish Captain James T. Kirk would wage war against Emperor Palpatine.

[mr_pikachu]

Granted, but its body is simply partitioned down the middle, such that one side is half of a vampire and the other is half of a werewolf. Its appearance is bizarre, its gait is off-balance, and don't even get me started on its internal organs.

EDIT: Wow, that's embarrassing... apparently I responded to Fett's post on page 1 rather than this one. Uh, let's try that again:

Granted, but the Federation quickly invalidated Kirk's declaration of war, as a single captain cannot unilaterally make that decision, so the "war" was short-lived.

I wish that I had the ability to control the flow of time.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted. You obtain a magical cuckoo clock that grants its owner an ability to control the flow of time but no matter how fast or slow the time passes around you, it doesn't affect an annoying abomination of a bird inside the clock which comes every 30th second to torment you with its awful 'singing'.

I wish I understood what waging war against Emperor Palpatine and something that's half vampire, half werewolf have do with each other.

[Fett One]

Granted, but you go blind before you can read mr_pikachu's edit so you will never know what happened.

I wish Star Trek: Lower Decks would last at least 10 seasons.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. It lasts exactly 10 seasons.

I wish I was better at debugging.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, you gain an ability to debug an entire game by merely touching one copy of it. Unfortunately gamers who take advantage of videogame bugs become super angry at you.

I wish to have my own talk show.

[Fett One]

Granted but the show gets pulled from the air after only airing for 5 minutes and never airs again.

I wish to become a super genius.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. You turn into Wile E. Coyote and fall off a desert cliff into a pile of cacti while trying to catch the Road Runner for the umpteenth time.

I wish that a dog could teach its owner new tricks.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, dogs become masters of humans and treat them very poorly.

I wish for a bowl full of delicious fish soup!

[Fett One]

Granted but your bowl only contains raw fish and cold water.

I wish for a crossover video game between Pokemon and Digimon.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but the game doesn't include Charizard, BlackWarGreymon or any of your favourite Pokemon or Digimon.

I wish cleaning service was cheaper.

[Fett One]

Granted, but property taxes become sky high, so you can't even afford free cleaning services.

I wish for a tv show starring Darth Maul.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but he is killed in the beginning of each episode by a guest star in a lightsaber battle that lasts for 1 second.

I wish to own Microsoft.

[Fett One]

Granted but you're able to buy ownership of Microsoft after the company collapses and it becomes worthless.

I wish PS5 games were $60 not $70.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. The PS5 games you already own have their retail price reduced to $60.

I wish Nintendo would make an alternate way to evolve Pokemon in the main series games that need to be traded (with or without an item) to evolve.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, you have to downgrade (i.e. de-evolve!) yourself into an amoeba to evolve them. Too bad amoebae can't play Pokemon.

I wish I had my own submarine.

[Fett One]

Granted, you receive a submarine sandwich.

I wish to own a life size Charizard statue.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. You end up receiving one made entirely of metal, and one day while you are admiring it, a thunderstorm suddenly begins, and your new Charizard statue attracts a stray bolt of lightning which gives you a fatal jolt due to your hands touching the statue.

I wish Donald Trump would be locked in an insane asylum if he is found guilty of any or all of the charges pressed against him earlier this week.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, Donald Trump will be locked in Arkham Asylum and becomes a new super villain. What's more, he'll be seen in every single Batman movie after this so the fans will never get rid of him.

I wish I were given Mr. Freeze's powers.