to the poet above me, you definitely have a wonderful grasp on the fairy tale style rhyme. even some of the sentence structures that you had to change fit in well with the language of the poem. if that's part of a novel, then the rhyme scheme could become very repetitive. you did say graphic novel though, meaning the illustrations could provide the variety. see that project through though, always. while you're interested in it, that's prime time for creativity!
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"That Whir"

Snow coats the road, flake
by flake. Slow,
I drive, waiting for the heat to kick in.
Past midnight and deadened is this night,
Alone, save the sigh of the highway.

Tires, the road, the lampglows,
All whir to me, that steady sigh,
I could sleep inside it otherwise.

But tires become tires as I slow to a stoplight.
Quieter, the highway deadens,
To mute.
And I'm too warm.