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3rd April 2008, 06:45 AM
#11
Elite Trainer
Re: Lisa the Legend - Chapter 62 now up!!!
Yeah, foreshadowing fun! Really, it would have been fine had you not said the thing about the nurses being on strike or something. It just draws attention to it (and the nurses being on strike would be stupid). It's cool that you're just doing what you enjoy I really wasn't expecting action so early on (well, not at the beginning of this chpater, anyway), so this chapter really reminded me how action-packed this fic is. ...damn, who's Hispanic guy? And if I were being really picky, I'd say the Hispanic region doesn't exist in your world, but meh. It gets to the point. It was chilling how the elevator door kept opening and revealing Emma's body (something was stuck in there, that's why it kept opening, right?). And the sheer chaos of escape and people not trusting the Pokemon and Gavin not remembering he can teleport (hehe, a Hermione moment there)...ah so real. Am I imagining this, of has the level of Lisa and Gavin's swearing really escalated? If that's intentional character development, which makes sense, cool, but if it's because you were an ickle school kid when you wrote Chapter 1... yeah just wanted to see if it was a conscious decision. On random notes, I thought 'she knew she was going to throw up' was pretty redundant after you said 'her stomach churled' and I think there's a word missing from "dark crimson blood, almost black, had blossomed over chest".
Really wasn't expecting the chapter so quickly. Had fun, glad you did too.
mistysakura
2007 Golden Pens: Co-winner of Best Poem (Rain Eternal) and Best Reviewer
2007 Silver Pencils: Winner of Best Poem (Death Sonnet -- Untitled)
2004 Silver Pencils: Winner of Nicest Fanficcer & Least Likely Couple (with PancaKe)
Former 3-time winner of Most Dedicated Reader at the Fanfiction Forums
Also Keeper of the 'A'ctivator Unown
Brimstone Diamonds. The Artist. Tightrope. Solitude. Autopsy.
Glitter (one-shot).
Listen to
Rain Eternal -- a song.
Random thought: 2+2=5.
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