I honestly considered making a blank post in response, merely because that would likely explain my awe better than a long explanation would. Then I realized that the forum would probably prevent me from doing that, and typing a single period or something would just look stupid. So it's time for a long explanation!

To put it bluntly, I'm not even going to try to critique your writing style in this chapter. Frankly, and as much as I hate to admit it, this three-post-long work was so far above my current writing ability that I really struggle to find any deep flaws. If anything, there are a few superficial slips, but certainly nothing more.

First of all, the emotion. (God, the EMOTION!) That was perhaps the best part of the chapter. You took the turmoil of Lisa's world, the utter insanity surrounding the events of this work combined with the revelations of her past, her parents' secrets, and the Legend. And, looking at that chaos, you decided how she would respond. Not just how any old person would respond, but what Lisa Walters, Pokemon trainer from Ecruteak city would do in response to the madness.

But you took it a step further. You didn't stop at just showing her emotions. You went through in a deliberate, step-by-step fashion and described why she felt the way she felt, why she said what she said, and why she did what she did. You went through her thought process, showing how she jumped from point A to point B and so on, even detailing the hypocrisy of blaming her parents when it could have been prevented if she had told them the truth. That was, in a word, magnificent. An excellent demonstration of introspection.

The events of the chapter were additionally powerful, even if they were not as strong as the emotions were. Lisa waking up injured and in a hospital bed, the conflict between the heroes, the explanations delivered first by Marco and then by Lisa's parents (the EMOTION!), the announcement by Joseph Sterling (he's been called by his full name so many times that it seems unnatural to think of him in any other way), the counter-announcement by Lance, and the meeting between Lisa and Darius. Despite the number of extraordinary events here, they were still not as much of a force as the sheer emotion with which you hit us - though that certainly doesn't indicate a flaw in the plot.

As of course, you've left us with a cliffhanger, the way you love to do. Sure, it's not like someone could die in the first sentence of the next chapter - although it's possible you'll do that now just to prove me wrong - but it's a cliffhanger in a broader sense, as this whole thing, this entire fanfic, has been merely a prologue for what will happen next.

Even with something this beautifully grand, there were a few slight concerns I noted while reading this. Most of them were typos and such, and since I'm not sure you'd want me to list all of them, here are a choice few that were mildly more disruptive than the others.



Marco shaped up to Lance and it could not have been clear that one of the men was about to swing, however at that moment, several people cried out in protest, the loudest of whom was a man who left his seat to step in between the two friends.

So, it was unclear whether someone was about to swing? (Also, run-on sentence: change the second comma to a period.)


She was a crucial to opening the Iron Lock.

She was a crucial?


“You’re going to be flown with some other patients by chopper to Redwood Hospital, it’s about a hundred k’s away.”

One letter plurals can be tricky, but in my experience they typically don’t use apostrophes. (Even if “ks” looks confusing… perhaps it could be “Ks,” or something?)


Before long she had covered the entire first floor, copping the brunt of several angry ex-contestants, who were convalescing and told her in no uncertain terms where to go; one woman even had a Persian sit threateningly on the doormat in case Lisa returned.

They told her in no uncertain terms? That seems like they told her exactly where she needed to go… unless you’re using some unusual innuendo here. (“You can stick it up your ___!”)



Yeah, they're small, but I thought I ought to mention a few of them. Nonetheless, this is solid. Normally I would make this reply in a sandwich format - you know, sandwich the criticisms between two sets of compliments. But you know what? I have a feeling you're already confident enough in this chapter to not need that. Because this was... great. Plain and simple.

*commits the meaning of “nescience” to memory*