Lisa the Legend: Chapter 82 - Last Night on Earth now up! (24th June 2013)

[mr_pikachu]

All right, it's up! Excellent!

Well, I've already given most of my comments, although I noticed you've made some small changes since then. Loved the extra description of Dr. Rogers; that part seems a little more complete now. Also, I think the ending was a little more suitable for the tone of the chapter. The original just didn't fit the lighthearted mood quite as well.

There were some small grammatical things and an occasional missing word (I wasn't aware that there was such a noun as "a deep and meaningful"), but nothing too serious. The one aesthetic point that I will comment on was the use of the word "law-breakers" when describing the Guard, as that's fairly roundabout compared to simply saying "criminals." Just a thought.

All in all, I thought this was quite strong, and the way you ended Book II is a bit easier to understand now. I was also slightly pleased to see that you kept Lisa's self-proclaimed title - I don't think that causes too much of a problem even with Ho-oh's words at the end of Book I, so it looks nice. This was a nice chapter and a good way to calm things down so that the coming plotlines will be all the more intense.

That's all I have to say, so I'll just look forward to Chapter 61. See you then!

[Master Kirby]

So, you think I'm psychic? Reading that made me laugh. I guess I was right about the "One month later" thing, though that was just an example of one of the possible scenarios that I saw. One thing that you don't need to be psychic to predict is that you'd win a few awards in the Silver Pencil. Congratulations. That wasn't a small list of awards.

You certainly put a lot of time and work into this story. As I have been reading this chapter, I've noticed how rich the description is and how well you are able to get us to feel what the characters are feeling. When Lisa went to the window and stood, taking in the feel and scent of the wind, it felt so peaceful. I could easily imagine being there, looking out over her shoulder taking in the sights of the city as the rain began to fall.