Lisa the Legend: Chapter 82 - Last Night on Earth now up! (24th June 2013)

[mistysakura]

Hehe, I'm impressed with the pace of updates! Eh, I never said I liked the new style. I do, but I kinda miss the old style. Ah well, whatever makes you happy. The military's with the Union? Ouch. I had an inkling something like that may happen... who can you trust any more? The reminder of who "Hispanic guy" is fitted in nicely, and the twist of Gavin only teleporting himself away was executed well (I knew something would go wrong but I didn't know what). I also like Christina's snap summary of what happened when Lisa's parents came. The battle scenes were great as usual; I especially like the bit occurring before and in the stairwell. Overall, the pace of this chapter felt dodgy though. Too often, distractions like comments on Fiskmire water would appear. The battlefield is not a good place to discuss Buzzballs, people? Because you've done such a good job in convincing us that danger is behind every corner, the digressions are really out of place. At least it could have been mentioned that Lisa scoured the area and the coast was clear for the moment or something. I also didn't like the chapter ending because it was way too reminiscent of the last chapter's. It felt as if absolutely nothing was accomplished with this chapter.

Nice chapter, good job, insert sandwich bread here etc. Seriously though, looking forward to the next one.

[mr_pikachu]

When was this posted, and how did I not see it?

Well, this changes things. Thanks to Lisa, Gavin escaped... and thanks to Gavin's screw-up, Lisa was caught anyway. Had he not "charged" enough, then? Or did something else interfere? Curious. Well done with that part, as Ada said. Loved some of the descriptions, too, and the way that Gavin's camera sacrificed itself for Lisa. Very nicely explained; the action as a whole made a lot of sense (never thought of someone falling up stairs, but it worked). On a side note... how long has Gavin had a shaved head? ^^;;

I do agree with Ada, though, that the digressions were a little much. In particular, it seemed odd that Lisa would need any explanation if there was a massive battle just beyond the door. Kind of unrealistic (and reminiscent of battle anime with over-talking). On the other hand, I actually disagree about the ending; I viewed it as a repetition technique that, for the most part, worked. Perhaps you could have waited a few chapters before pulling that rabbit from your hat - although I have no idea how or why you would add filler chapters there - but it still didn't hurt.

(Okay, maybe the repetition kept me from realizing there was a new chapter. But still!)

At any rate, I liked the plot progression, and I'm very curious why you wanted Gavin to escape but not Lisa. It's pretty clear what the Union has planned, but what awaits Gavin on the outside? A rescue mission, perhaps? Or an encounter with Lunanine? Hmm. Of course, yet again, we have a cliffhanger: what happens to Lisa now? And what of her family? At any rate, I'm too tired to think of further comments beyond typos and the like, so I'll just look forward to the next installment. See you then!

[Sike Saner]

DAMN. O___O Things sure have taken a very exciting turn in this story. Those last two chapters were intense--great action in both of them, and each had a shocking surprise of that very special sort that I like to call "Holy Shit! Moments", or HSMs.

Another great surprise was when Gavin teleported but Lisa didn't get taken along with him as she was supposed to have been. I can't help but wonder if he might not have ended up inadvertently leaving her behind like that had he not had to hurry up in the "recharging" of his energy... o.o

Once again, character thoughts, emotions, and reactions were handled well. Lisa's reaction to seeing Emma's corpse is a prime example of this. Speaking of reactions to that, another thing that I thought was done well was the way that those who saw the body didn't all react in an identical way--I thought that was very realistic.

And there was even some great humor in those chapters, with the part where Gavin forgot that he could teleport being my personal favorite funny moment.

Highlights:

“Oh, before you go,” he added, a hand on the silver doorknob, “I meant to ask – do you still have my camera?”

Lisa racked her brains for a moment. “No. Did I ever have your camera?”

Gavin shrugged. “I think I chucked it in your backpack when we were on Mount Fairfax.”

“We were being shot at, and you thought to protect your camera,” she replied with a grudging smile. Sometimes Gavin was so illogical it was amusing.

Amusing indeed. ^^ That part got a smile and a laugh out of me.

The number ‘3’ lit up with a soft yellow glow; a cool voice said, “Level Three” and the silver doors slid open crisply.

And there, sprawled on the carpeted floor of the elevator, was Emma’s body.

That was HSM #1. My reaction upon reading initially reading it: --What?! O___O Yeah, that was definitely not something I was expecting to be on the other side of those elevator doors...

Lisa wasn’t sure if she screamed or not; certainly, she tried, but she could not tell if any sound came from her throat. Her ears had suddenly filled with an otherworldly static, her temples tingling from the volume of blood that had rushed to her head at the grotesque sight before her.

Excellent description of her reaction to what she'd just seen. ^^

The silver doors slid shut with an efficient whirr. Lisa stared at them silently, at her reflection: the pallid mask of horror on her face, her hands contorting, clutching at thin air, the camera slung casually over her red jumper. Her brain reeled; her stomach churned; she knew she was going to throw up. Then the cool patient voice repeated itself patiently, “Level Three” and the silver doors slid open once more, and there was the corpse, still horrendous, still dead, still covered in blood.

This time she knew she screamed.

Everything happened at once. Suddenly, someone was holding her from behind. She didn’t even think to fight them; her stomach lurched and she doubled over, retching horribly.

And there's some more great description of what she's feeling. ^^

There was a collective squeal from the other patients; a second later, Gavin gave a grunt of triumph as he flung the window open.

“Go, Skarmory!” he cried, hurling a pokéball at his feet. A burst of radiant light revealed the sleek, metallic form of the steel-winged pokémon.

“Slash the security screen!” Gavin ordered fervently. “Everyone else, stand back!”

The five adults backed away from the window. Lisa let her mouth fall open as Skarmory raised a gleaming scythe and, in two deft strokes, reduced the security screen to shreds of metal frame and wire.

“Gavin, THAT’S your plan?!” screeched Lisa, losing her cool completely; she had just seen Natu fluttering about the ceiling in distress.

“You got a better one?”

“FOR GOD’S SAKE, YES, YOU CAN TELEPORT!”

Gavin let his eyes roll back in his head in bitter realisation. “Fuck – I forgot.”

XDDDD Again, that was glorious.

“LISA, GAVIN – OPEN THE DOOR!”

“GO TO HELL!” screamed Lisa, backing away from the door and aligning herself with the patients.

“LISA – IT’S DAD – QUICK, WE HAVE TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE!”

“THAT’S NOTHING LIKE MY DAD’S VOICE, YOU ARSEHOLE!”

XP I'm glad Lisa didn't fall for that.

“Okay, Natu, you take the fat guy!”

“EXCUSE ME!”

XD Another moment that made me laugh.

Lisa’s body surged with something hard, something beyond pain; her nerves had become strands of barbed wire, spiking her flesh from within. It was agony; it was hell: she was in darkness, languishing in her own mind … there could be no level of pain past this …

Damn, that does sound seriously agonizing. o_o

Lisa closed her eyes once more, readying herself for the queasy whirlwind of teleportation. She gripped Gavin’s right hand tighter, tighter, until, suddenly, her hand closed on nothing but thin air.

“Gavin – what the -?”

Her eyes flew open in fear. There was nobody standing beside her. She was stranded, still, in the hospital room.

“NO!” She couldn’t stop herself: how could this have happened – how could she be left behind?

Again, that was a great surprise. ^^

With a curt nod to Lisa and a sharp call to Ally to follow, Christina trudged heavily down the first flight of stairs, taking care to step hard on the unconscious Union agent’s back.

XD Awesome.

“It sounds silent out there, Lisa,” she said confidently. “I’m going to go out and scope things out. When and if – AND ONLY IF – I give you the all-clear, you follow me closely, alright?”

“Okay, Christina,” replied Lisa, grasping the Buzzball and retreating a few steps.

Christina winked boldly at her before apparently steeling herself, and pushing the door wide open.

Lisa saw it happen: the flash of metal, the explosion of blue light. The burst of razor leaves scorched by a roar of vermilion flames. Christina’s scream.

And that was HSM #2. Like the finding-Emma-in-the-elevator moment, this took me by surprise in a major way.


The latest chapters were seriously awesome. ^^ I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what happens next.

[Gavin Luper]

Sorry guys, this isn't a new chapter, just a reply to you guys, since I didn't do it back in April. Somehow I got it in my head that it was going to automatically induce productivity if I didn't let myself reply to this thread unless I was putting up a new chapter. Seeing as it's been - er - a little while, I've kind of figured that was foolish.

Ada: I was impressed with the pace of updates too! Then something happened - I think it was Melbourne, then Uni, then work ... bleh, I have no excuse. Yes, the Union infiltrated, if not the whole military, at least the unit that was guarding Redwood Hospital. Scary stuff. I'm glad you liked the battle scenes - the stairwell was really fun to write; as in, almost Chapter 42-esque fun (I really enjoyed that chapter).

Yeah, I realise there were issues with pacing in this. I think I wanted to put in certain ideas and pieces of dialogue that I felt were important, but I didn't give a lot of regard to the fact that this chapter was essentially an action one. Thanks for the feedback. I understand your comments about the ending of the chapter being too reminiscent of Chapter 62, too, but I kind of liked the circular idea. Maybe it didn't translate. Anyway, cheers for reading as usual!

Brian: Yes, how DID you miss it? Hmm? HMMM?

With Gavin's teleportation, I could leave you hanging in curiosity, but ... no, wait, actually, that's better than just telling you the answer. Enjoy the suspense, mate!

Glad you liked the unusual falling up stairs thingo. Hehe. Gavin has had a shaved head since shortly after arriving at Redwood Hospital in late March (just after the end of book 2) - doctors shaved his head to clean up his wounds/operate, if I recall my own material correctly. The first time we (as readers) saw him with a shaved head was in Chapter 61.

Duly noted about the awkward digressions. And it's nice to see that the repetition technique did work for some, if not for others. In hindsight, I'm not sure if I'd have left it in there after all, but the more thought I give to it, the more I can't find a decent way of summing up the chapter at that point.

What awaits Gavin on the outside might be revealed in Chapter 64. I haven't quite decided whether to show it or not. You've made sound guesses, in any case.

And yeah: cliffhangers again! Friggin hell. Although I love using them, the downside is that I find a heavy weight on the beginning of the next chapter, which is maybe part of the reason it takes me so long to write new installments (it's never the chapter that takes me months, it's always the BEGINNING; the rest usually follows in the space of a few days).

Cheers for the review man. I swear I shall get up to date with WotF ... soon ... give me ... a few ... days ... *ducks airborne tomatoes*

Sike Saner: Why, hullo! Thanks for the quote-filled reply. I love those. Well done on the coining of HSMs (I'm assuming it's a new thing you made up?); glad that the last two chapters of LTL produced some, anyway.

Good theory about Gavin being hurried to recharge - you may be right. Poor Lisa, trying to force Gavin to teleport only to be abandoned. That's gotta suck.

Yeah, I've tried to put a bit more effort into character emotions and reactions lately, and it seems it's paid off. I still feel like I'm a long way away from achieving a narrative that has a firm hold on "fantasy realism", but hopefully your response to scenes like that elevator one mean that I'm edging my way there.

Great that you found some humour in all that action-packed stuff. It's cool that my writing can actually amuse someone as well as entertain them in other ways. I especially enjoyed Gavin instructing Natu to take the "fat guy", and the scene where Christina steps on the Union agent's back. The latter was actually a very enjoyable moment, because it was the kind of action that probably wouldn't fit too well with Lisa's character, yet a more aggressive type like Christina (or Marina, if she had've been there) could easily get away with it, and look cool doing it, too.

Thanks so much for reading and replying again - your reviews are always a pleasure to read. Seeya next chapter, I hope.

Chapter 64: Okay, looking back at this reply, maybe it's long enough to be called 'Chapter 64' itself. ^_^ A little humour there to deflect from the fact that it's been a week or two since the last chapter. Progress report: I'm bubbling with all kinds of energy for the next two chapters, and every five minutes I get a new idea that pulls the story in a different direction. I'm doing my best to harness all this, exercise some kind of control over it, and get it onto the page so that we have a new chapter (or ten) very soon!

Thanks for your eternal patience, everyone (what a weird phrase).

Cheers!