Lisa the Legend: Chapter 61 - The Promise.
Hi everyone.
This was initially intended to be a relatively short chapter, but it ended up being fairly decent in length. I'm not finished the whole 'planning stage' for the book yet, but I'm getting closer, and this chapter hopefully will tide you over for a bit.
I didn't like this chapter when I wrote it, but in hindsight I find it a bit more pleasant. Don't be fooled by appearances, this chapter is very important. There's also a subtle tie-in to Chapter 12, but I think it's so obscure I'd probably be the only one who notices it.
Anyway - I don't want to waffle. Here's Chapter 61. Please enjoy, and please give me your comments and feedback! Especially for this chapter, because I'm not sure if the intensity and emotion of it will be well received or not.
Oh, and I'm reasonably sure 'unquashably' isn't a real word, but that's never stopped me before.
Cheers!
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Chapter 61 – The Promise.
After a red-faced Doctor Rogers stalked out of Lisa’s room, muttering murderously about the falling standards of the hospital, Lisa found herself, once again, alone. The visit from Emma, and the ensuing debacle with Doctor Rogers and the spider, had been a welcome distraction from an otherwise mundane day. Indeed, Lisa had briefly forgotten how much she hated her hospital room.
But now, as she stared blankly at the white walls of her wretched room, Lisa felt the usual cloud of lethargy sweep over her. It was the same every night. As soon as she was left alone, in the isolation and sterility of her room, her mood plummeted quite uncharacteristically. Lisa found it impossible to resist her turbulent emotions; it was as though she were being forcibly dragged into a black hole.
She shivered slightly and drew her covers more tightly around her chest. It was an unusually cold night: the storm that was now shaking the windowpanes had evidently brought with it a fierce autumn chill. Lisa rummaged in the top drawer of her bedside table and found the tiny remote control provided by the hospital; she switched the light off and lay quite still in her bed, listening to the roar of the rain pelting the side of the building. In the past, she had always loved drifting off to sleep while listening to the rain pattering against the windows, but tonight, for the first time she could recall, she found it distracting. The events on Mt Fairfax had wrought quite a change on her sleeping habits. When once she had been able to fall asleep almost the instant her head hit the pillow, she was now quite accustomed to laying awake for two or even three hours, lost in thought.
Lisa knew this was unusual for her, because she had never considered herself an introspective person by any means. Yet each night she found herself troubled by thoughts, thoughts that trapped and took hold of her just as irresistibly as her down moods.
She could never escape her own thoughts, and tonight was no exception. Lisa found herself tossing and turning in bed, frustrated by her thoughts. Thoughts of the war, which still confused and frightened her; thoughts of the Legend, which still seemed overwhelming and which she had not been able to speak of since the conversation with her parents at the Fairfax Inn; thoughts of the Guard, and what they might be up to; thoughts of Gavin and his strange letter; thoughts of her parents, her brothers and sister, her grandmother, her family and her friends …
And, most unquashably of all, thoughts about what was going to happen to her when she re-entered the world outside the Richardson Ward in the morning.
Lisa fluffed up her pillow for the umpteenth time and threw her head against it with unnecessary violence. What was going to happen after she was discharged tomorrow? Lisa hated herself for posing the question, but she could not help but wonder. Her parents had remained tight-lipped about their plans, other than to say they would be taking her to a safe house. But what then? Was she going to be hidden away from the Union and the rest of the world, just like now, while her parents and the Guard waged a dangerous and shadowy war? Or could it be that she, too, would be made to help the Guard fulfil the Legend, and even fight against the Union again?
Lisa didn’t know which option scared her more.
She rolled onto her other side with a restless grunt. Her worries and fears played over and over in her mind, and as much as she hated laying in bed, stuck in a spiral of misery, she did not think she had the energy anymore to pull herself out of it.
*
Lisa did not feel any better the following morning. She had not fallen asleep until almost midnight, and was woken quite abruptly at seven-thirty when the kitchen lady hammered on the door to announce the arrival of her breakfast. She spent five minutes staring emptily at her bowl of corn flakes before she could bother herself to actually pick up the spoon and begin eating.
What the hell is wrong with me? Lisa found herself wondering as she forced down a second mouthful of cereal. The black hole that had sucked her in last night seemed to have followed her through her string of bad dreams and flashbacks and into the morning.
She pushed the food tray away from her bed and fell back against her pillows miserably. This wasn’t her. She should have been excited about leaving hospital. She should have been curious to see what Marina and Darius and the Guard were doing at the safe house. She should have been inventing new theories as to what Gavin wanted to talk to her about. But she didn’t care about any of those things. She didn’t think it made much of a difference anymore whether she left hospital or stayed right where she was.
She glanced outside the window and saw nothing to brighten her spirits. The sky was a swirl of sombre grey clouds; rain was still spattering against the glass.
Lisa turned away from the window and gazed despondently at the collection of birthday cards and photo frames on the bedside table. One particular photograph caught her eye: a snapshot of her with her mother, her father, Wesley, Jean, Tom, Miki and Nanna, all seated around a wooden table on the patio at Lisa’s house. Marina had taken the photo last Christmas. Lisa examined the picture closely. There she was, grinning broadly, one arm around her younger brother, the other around her elderly grandmother’s shoulders. Even back then, thought Lisa, she had been through quite a lot – yet she was still smiling, and not falsely. She had never been so affected by her experiences before, yet now, she felt like an emotional mess.
But why?
Lisa knew there was an answer, and she knew there was a person in the hospital – a trained professional – who would be able to give it to her. There was a youth psychologist situated on the second floor, a woman named Doctor Tanner, whose assistance had been offered to Lisa from the moment she was wheeled into Redwood Hospital.
Actually, thought Lisa seriously, it had not been so much offered as pushed upon her. Her parents had insisted that Lisa attend regular counselling sessions with Doctor Tanner. After everything that had happened to her, before and during the siege on Mt Fairfax – not to mention her shock at discovering the truth about her parents and the Legend – they believed she would need to sort through everything with an expert. Within herself, Lisa knew they were right. She knew, even if she couldn’t say it aloud, that she had needed to talk to someone like Doctor Tanner for a very long time. And yet when the opportunity finally arose for her to discuss her problems with a psychologist, she had baulked. No matter how much Mum and Dad pressed that she would probably need counselling, Lisa suddenly felt repulsed by the idea of disgorging her innermost thoughts to a stranger. She had never been able to tell her parents, or Gavin, even, the extent of her fears and worries; the closest she had come was in her short discussion with Darius at the Fairfax Inn. So she had vehemently refused to see Doctor Tanner, and after a mere few days, her parents stopped trying to make her. Lisa wondered if this was because they still felt bad about the shock they had given her on Mt Fairfax, and were trying to keep the fragile relationship between them happy. Whatever the case, Lisa had squirmed out of visiting any kind of counsellor, knowing all along that that was what she needed most, and with every lonely, miserable day she spent in the Richardson Ward, she found herself regretting it …
Lisa stared restlessly at the ceiling. She wanted to find some hidden source of power within herself, something that would enable her to throw off her depression and push past her terrible memories. She actually screwed her face up in concentration, thinking that maybe if she focused enough, she could resolve everything. If she could make herself believe that everything was alright, then she would be … she had to be …
Lisa could never be quite sure of what happened next. She had her eyes screwed shut, willing herself to feel better, when a blinding pain shot through the back of her head. At first she thought it was a one-off, but a second, then a third, flash of pain struck her within a few seconds …
And then she collapsed. The fear and weariness suddenly bore down on her, an enormous tidal wave of terror crashing down and drowning out every ounce of control and composure she had ever possessed. She was shaking, completely uncontrollably – the pain in the back of her head gave way to a sudden, agonising tightness in her chest. She could not breathe, her stomach was churning … She put her hands over her face and screamed, but silently; no noise escaped her mouth.
Eventually she heard, as though she had gone nearly deaf, a muffled cry of someone else in the room, though the words were incomprehensible and meaningless. Someone touched her arm but Lisa could not see who. There were more cries, this time more audible … then suddenly the pain in her chest lessened slightly, and she found that she was no longer shaking, though she was still gasping for air which seemed as though it would never come.
“Doctor Rogers is on her way,” said one of the voices around Lisa. Her vision was still strangely blurred; she could only make out a vague reddish blur.
A few seconds passed. Lisa finally felt like she was getting some air into her lungs; she was taking in deep, grateful gulps of oxygen. She suddenly realised that she was soaked in her own sweat.
“What happened?” a loud, commanding voice rang out suddenly, and this time Lisa heard – and saw – quite clearly. Doctor Rogers had burst into the room, her grey hair flying behind her as she broke through a cluster of three or four nurses standing around the bed.
“I came in to check on her and she was just shaking and gasping for breath,” said one of the nurses.
“How badly was she shaking?” asked Doctor Rogers. “She doesn’t have any history of epilepsy.”
“We don’t think she was fitting – we thought it might be a panic attack.”
“Hmm. Well, that wouldn’t altogether surprise me. She’s broken out in a sweat, too … and it seems like she’s recovering herself a bit now.” Doctor Rogers moved in closer, placing a hand on Lisa’s shoulder and meeting her eye with a face full of compassion. “Lisa, can you hear me properly now?”
“Yes,” said Lisa, but it took her three tries to actually produce any noise, and when she did, her voice was wispy and faint.
“Tell me what happened.”
Lisa hesitated, then suddenly found that she no longer cared what people knew about her feelings.
“I got scared. I just felt it all build up – I felt like everything was coming down on me at once and I couldn’t stop it. It was so s-scary.” She choked slightly and then the tears began to flow rapidly.
“You’re alright, Lisa. But what happened to you physically? I need you to tell me.”
“I just – I started shaking. Just out of nowhere. I don’t even know why, but I couldn’t help it. And my head hurt, and my chest too – it was really tight, like I couldn’t breathe anymore. I didn’t know what was happening – I thought I was –”
But she couldn’t say it. Doctor Rogers, however, nodded sagely.
“You’re safe, Lisa, and everything is fine. We’re going to make sure you’re okay. There’s nothing to worry about and no reason to be scared.” She patted Lisa on the shoulder warmly, and Lisa felt her feelings about Doctor Rogers melt away completely. “It sounds to me like you had a panic attack,” the woman said, “and if you ask me, it’s no wonder.”
She turned to one of the nurses assembled around the bedside. “Ashley, please go down to Doctor Tanner’s office and inform her that Miss Walters is in need of her services.” One of the nurses disappeared immediately. “Bridget, Joanne – thank you, but this situation is now under control.” Two other nurses dispersed. “Emma, I believe you are on good terms with Miss Walters – I’d like you to stay here with her until Doctor Tanner arrives.”
“Of course I will,” said Emma quickly. Lisa saw that she was very pale.
Doctor Rogers turned back to Lisa and gave her a kind smile. “You’re not the first person to be overwhelmed by what they are feeling, Lisa. It’s an entirely natural response, and personally, I think in your case it is slightly overdue. Doctor Tanner will be in shortly, I hope, to help you.”
“To help me,” repeated Lisa faintly. “That’s good. Thank you.”
Doctor Rogers winked at her and left.
Lisa looked around her room vaguely. She felt dazed by what had just happened, and also rather spent. She made eye contact with Emma, who gave her a mild smile before moving closer to Lisa’s bed and holding her hand firmly.
They waited for about five minutes before there came a knock at the door.
“Come in,” said Emma.
The door swung open and a tall, grey-haired woman swept into the room. Unlike Doctor Rogers, she carried a simple handbag and wore casual clothes – a crisp white blouse with a gold pin on it and a conservative grey skirt. Her steel-coloured hair was pulled back into a rather old-fashioned ponytail, and there was something about her face – perhaps her hard, yet kind, blue eyes, or the absence of any make-up, which made her look very sensible.
“Hello,” she said, in a surprisingly soft voice, “I’m Doctor Tanner, and you must be Lisa Walters.”
“Yes, that’s me,” said Lisa, still in her small voice.
“It’s a pleasure,” said Doctor Tanner. She looked expectantly at Emma, who was still holding Lisa’s hand comfortingly. “Will you be staying during our talk?” she asked simply.
“No, sorry, I’ll go,” said Emma. She looked Lisa in the eye before squeezing her hand firmly and striding from the room, pulling the door shut behind her.
“Well, Lisa, I thought I might not get to meet you before you left the hospital,” said Doctor Tanner lightly, approaching her and proffering her hand; Lisa shook it and was surprised at the psychologist’s strong grip. “Your parents had you booked in for several appointments, but they explained to me that you didn’t want to talk about what you had been through.” She caught Lisa’s eye directly, and Lisa squirmed slightly. “You should know that this is a very common response, especially in younger people like yourself,” she said kindly.
She took a seat on the end of Lisa’s mattress and smiled; Lisa managed a feeble smile in return.
“However, according to Doctor Rogers, you have just had what appeared to be a ‘panic attack’, as they are sometimes called. Could you describe to me what happened?”
Lisa proceeded to do so.
“And how are you feeling now?” probed Doctor Tanner.
“Sweaty. And tired.”
Doctor Tanner nodded, apparently satisfied. “It certainly sounds as though you had some kind of panic attack. This is often a natural response to a traumatic event, such as what happened to you a few weeks ago at Mt Fairfax, but taken out of context. It is your body’s way of telling you that it needs to escape something.”
“OK,” said Lisa, by way of quiet acknowledgement. “So how do you fix it?”
Doctor Tanner smiled once more. “Panic attacks do not necessarily need to be fixed. You have never had a panic attack before, have you?”
Lisa shook her head.
“If these attacks occur regularly, they can often be representative of some kind of anxiety disorder,” explained Doctor Tanner. “But I think, in your case, Lisa, that this is the manifestation of the terror you felt during your ordeal. It is something like a latent response to what has already happened. Do you follow me, Lisa?”
“I think so,” replied Lisa. “So there isn’t really anything you can do?”
“It’s more a case of there isn’t a need to do anything, at least at this stage,” said Doctor Tanner. “This may well be, as I said, a natural response that you will simply push through and recover from. However,” she said, clasping her hands in her lap, “I believe it would be beneficial for you to talk a bit with me, even if you still don’t feel like it. You might feel strange discussing your feelings with me – that is entirely normal, for we all feel protective of our personal information – but it would be a very good idea to do so. To get that burden off your chest might just make you feel better. What do you think?”
Lisa did not hesitate. “I want to talk it over. I think I need to,” she said very quickly.
Doctor Tanner nodded knowingly. “Yes, I think you need to too.”
“But you have some – some kind of oath, don’t you?” asked Lisa. “You can’t tell anyone what I say to you, right?”
Doctor Tanner leaned forward seriously. “There is confidentiality between a psychologist and patient, that is true,” she said, “but as you are still underage, your parents will need to be informed – at least, in short – of what we discuss.”
“But you can’t tell anyone else, right?”
“It would be ethically and legally wrong for me to divulge anything you tell me to anyone other than your parents, unless demanded by a judge. So, no, Lisa, I can’t tell anyone else. You can speak freely to me.”
Lisa felt herself relax very slightly.
“So, now, Lisa, your parents informed me about some of what you had been through, and it doesn’t surprise me that you might be feeling overwhelmed. Shall we begin at the beginning, then?” She pulled out a notepad and pen from her handbag. “I believe you were one of the only survivors of the Radio Tower collapse in Goldenrod City last year …”
Once Lisa began talking, she found that she was unable to stop. Doctor Tanner asked enough questions to keep her going, but she also paused respectfully while Lisa told her story. Often Lisa was surprised to hear some things coming out of her mouth – it felt strange to divulge feelings that she had so successfully kept to herself since October or November. At some points, she even found herself breaking down while explaining certain events, even if she had not cried at all when the events had actually taken place. Doctor Tanner was comforting, though never mawkish, and she did not try to do anything as silly as hugging Lisa, which Lisa felt extremely grateful for. She continued on with her story – navigating through the months of December, January, February, and finally, March. Doctor Tanner was extremely patient, and though she asked Lisa how she felt about almost everything, not once did Lisa grow tired of the question; she felt compelled to keep talking, compelled to keep expelling her deeply repressed feelings until she could feel them no longer.
When they finally reached the present, and Lisa had finished explaining, at length, how terrible she had been feeling during her time in hospital, Doctor Tanner said, “And how do you feel now, that you have told me all of this?”
Lisa dabbed at her eyes with her umpteenth tissue; a pile of dirty tissues lay in her lap. “So much better,” she croaked, a stray tear leaking from her eye.
Doctor Tanner gave her another of her very sincere smiles and proceeded to explain what she thought about Lisa’s feelings, that she thought her courage to maintain a strong face had been admirable, but misguided.
“You might have felt slightly less overwhelmed if you had allowed yourself to go through the natural emotional processes associated with trauma,” she said, not unkindly, “but nonetheless, there is no changing the past; what matters is that now you have been able to talk everything through with me, you have been able to spill it all out, and also hear my view. Talking about things is an essential part of dealing with them and moving on.”
Lisa nodded from behind her tissue. She felt slightly exhausted, but she could not deny the sense of relief that had come over her during her talk with Doctor Tanner.
“Now,” said Doctor Tanner, “I understand that you are due to be leaving us this morning?”
Lisa pulled the tissue away from her face. “I can still go then?” she said abruptly. “You aren’t going to keep me here after what happened?”
Doctor Tanner looked politely surprised. “Well, not unless you particularly want to stay. As I said, there is not much that can be done to treat a single panic attack. If you ever have any more, which I somewhat doubt, you should probably contact me again, but aside from feeling a bit tired, you are as healthy as you were when you signed the discharge form last night.”
Lisa’s heart rose. She saw, on her bedside clock, that it was now nine-thirty – she must have been with Doctor Tanner for at least an hour and a half.
Doctor Tanner seemed to notice her checking the time. “Your parents will be here in half an hour, I believe?” she said gently. “You must be excited to be going back home.”
“I am,” said Lisa. And she finally was. Though, she reminded herself, she would not be going back to her real home.
“Well, unless there is anything else you want to discuss with me, I shall let you get ready,” said Doctor Tanner politely.
“I think – I think we covered everything,” said Lisa promptly, and they both managed a quiet chuckle. “Thank you.”
“You are quite welcome. Well then, I shall go,” said Doctor Tanner simply. “I hope I have been of some help to you, Lisa – it certainly looks like I have. You look much happier already. I must remind you, though, that very often, when you are recovering from a traumatic event – or a series of them – the road to convalescence is not straightforward. You may continue to have bad dreams and you will still feel the way you do – but with time, and love from your family, and some strength, I think you will slowly find yourself improving.”
“OK,” said Lisa. She could think of nothing else to say.
“Here is my card,” added Doctor Tanner, leaving one on the bedside table. “You can reach either myself or my secretary with those phone numbers. If you ever need to discuss something with me – if you ever find yourself overwhelmed again – do not hesitate to call me. I am always available to help. Although I have to say, Lisa, it would not surprise me if you now feel like you have the tools you need to cope. For all you have been through, you are quite an extraordinary young woman. Don’t forget that.”
Lisa nodded solemnly, slightly taken aback. Doctor Tanner shook her hand pleasantly, smiled kindly at her one more time and left.
Lisa cleared the tissues off her covers and lay down in her bed again. She knew she ought to clean her room and get ready for her parents’ imminent arrival, but she really did feel quite exhausted. She snuggled into her mattress, listening to the rain pattering against the windows. Suddenly she found the constant pitter-patter quite pleasant and relaxing again …
Her eyes had surely been closed for only a second when there was a sudden flash of light that she could sense even with her eyes closed. She looked around to see a green, nearly spherical bird-like creature flapping its wings above her.
“Natu?” Lisa muttered in surprise, before she remembered – she was supposed to go and see Gavin!
“Tu tu!” declared Natu thickly, fluttering down to land on Lisa’s stomach, his sharp talons tearing clean through the flimsy sheet. A folded piece of paper was held in his beak.
Lisa briefly considered ignoring Natu and going back to sleep, but her sense of loyalty to Gavin overcame her fatigue. She took the letter from Natu’s beak and read it quickly:
Oi, are you coming or what? I want to hear that CD.
- Gavin.
“Typical,” Lisa said aloud. Gavin was too macho to admit to her twice that he wanted to talk something over with her. Natu looked confused. “Tell him he’ll have to wait. I’m tired,” said Lisa, as slowly and clearly as she could.
Natu hooted softly and remained perched on her stomach.
“Ugh,” sighed Lisa. Natu probably wouldn’t leave without taking a letter back to Gavin. She flipped Gavin’s note over and looked around the bedside table for a pen. Nothing. She leaned over, almost tumbling out of bed, to check the drawers. Nothing at all. She knew there was a pen in her backpack, but that was across the room – and if she was going to get up to get a pen she might as well get up to see Gavin.
“Argh, fine,” she groaned, throwing back her covers grumpily; Natu took flight in astonishment. “Are you happy now, stupid bird? I’m up!”
With a considerable effort, she hauled herself out of bed. She discovered that her entire body was aching slightly, but other than that, there did not seem to be any lasting effects from the panic attack she had had earlier. Natu flew in circles around her head as Lisa changed out of her nightie and into a pair of jeans and her favourite jumper. She grabbed The Lost Umbrellas’ album from her bag with a wry smile. Then, with every fibre of her body aching to return to bed, she said to Natu, “Alright, let’s go.”
Maybe it was because of the conversation with Doctor Tanner, or maybe it was the knowledge that she would be leaving the hospital in less than an hour, but Lisa suddenly found that she didn’t care about whether or not one of the doctors caught her sneaking between the rooms. In fact, it seemed bizarre now that she had ever caved in so easily to the adults’ demands in the first place. She pulled the door open and, beckoning Natu to follow, strode brashly into the hallway.
It was completely empty. That figures, thought Lisa. I was too scared to ever do it again in case I got caught, but now that I finally try it it turns out there was nothing to worry about. Sighing at the strange way her fortunes had fallen, she walked briskly down the corridor until she reached – barely twenty metres away – a blue door with a small black ‘7’ affixed to it. She hesitated for a moment, stupidly, wondering what on earth Gavin wanted to say to her; then, suddenly, she heard a voice – one of the nurses was emerging into the corridor from another patient’s room. There was nothing for it: just as she saw a blur of auburn hair from the corner of her eyes, Lisa threw Gavin’s door open and swung it swiftly closed behind her.
And without meaning to, she gasped. Gavin was sitting in a white bed before her – but he did not look like the Gavin she knew. The first thing her eyes were drawn to was his hair – it was extremely short, almost shaved, and there was a large white bandage obscuring the top of his brow. But the thing that shocked her even more was how terribly thin he was: his cheeks looked hollow and his arms, previously strong and tanned, were pallid and weedy. The only good thing, it seemed, was that he was no longer covered in bandages.
“Hey,” Gavin said, his thin face lighting up at the sight of Lisa.
“Hey,” Lisa replied simply, unable to stop herself grinning back. Despite how bad Gavin looked, she felt suddenly excited to see him again.
For a second or two there was an awkward pause as they looked at each other, apparently both unsure of what to say, before Gavin said, “Sit down if you want,” indicating the chair beside his bed.
Lisa hastened to oblige. “Oh, I brought the CD,” she added, handing Gavin The Lost Umbrellas’ album as she settled into the plastic chair. Natu, meanwhile, fluttered excitedly onto Gavin’s bedside table, where he pecked at a small bowl of seeds Gavin had evidently left for him.
“Oh, right, cool,” said Gavin, in the slightly higher-pitched voice he used when he wanted to sound interested in something. “I heard it’s more rocky than their old stuff?”
“Yeah, well mostly – ‘Smoke and Fire’ is a pretty heavy song I suppose …”
As Gavin leisurely examined the back of the album cover, Lisa was silently fighting with herself. She supposed it was normal to make small talk with someone when you hadn’t seen them in a while – but this wasn’t just someone, it was Gavin! Never in Lisa’s memory had they been anything but blunt with each other, and she decided there was no reason why that should ever change.
“What’s the go with your hair then?”
Gavin whipped his head up abruptly, as though he had been nervously waiting for Lisa to speak. A lopsided grin came over his face. “You like it? I wanted to go for the whole tough, delinquent look.”
Lisa made sure he caught her rolling her eyes.
“They shaved it all off when they operated on me,” Gavin continued seriously, touching the bandage that still obscured his brow. “I had like ten stitches in there before, but then it got all infected, so it’s pretty gross to look at still.” He sounded slightly proud. “And what’s up with you – it looks like you had a sook or something?”
“What do you mean?” said Lisa – how could Gavin tell she had been crying? And then it struck her that her cheeks must still be tearstained.
Gavin confirmed this. “Your face looks – well – like you’ve been crying. And your eyes are red. Since when do you cry, seriously?”
“I had a panic attack,” Lisa countered.
Gavin’s eyes widened. Given how sunken his cheeks were, this gave the impression that his eyes were almost bulging out of his skull.
“Righto. You win then, I suppose,” he said eventually, catching her eye, and suddenly they both laughed. Being with Gavin again seemed to make it much easier to make light of things.
“So apart from that, then …” Gavin said, carefully skirting around the topic. “You’ve been good?”
“Well, yeah, more or less,” Lisa said. “I mean, hospital sucks, but you know that too.”
Gavin nodded at her fairly. “Yeah. God, has it been boring as batshit for you too?”
Lisa laughed. “Yes! If it wasn’t for your letters, I think I would’ve gone mental!”
She paused, wondering if she had gone too far by actually admitting aloud how much Gavin’s letters had meant to her – but, quite unexpectedly, Gavin said, “Me too. How stupid was it that they wouldn’t let us see each other? At least we could still talk about stuff though.”
“Mmmm,” said Lisa. “Speaking of talking about stuff – have they stopped feeding you or something?” The moment the words were out of her mouth she realised how terrible they sounded. “I mean … you look really skinny … what’s going on?” she amended, making sure to stress the concern in her voice.
Gavin didn’t look particularly fazed by what she said; he merely shrugged. “I dunno, when I was really sick I couldn’t eat a lot anyway. Then even when I started getting better, I didn’t feel like eating, it’s like I’ve lost my appetite or something. The nurse has to actually watch me and pretty much force-feed me my meals. I’m getting better though. You should’ve seen me a couple of weeks ago,” he added darkly. “I looked like a bloody skeleton or something.”
Lisa shuddered.
“But anyway, I’m getting better now, and hungrier. I ate all my Weet-Bix this morning!” he added, sounding like a proud six-year-old. “And now, it’s nearly ten, just about time for me to tune into Sleepless in Saffron. Wanna make fun of it with me?”
He grinned expectantly at Lisa, but she returned it only half-heartedly. Gavin raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“My parents are going to be here in a few minutes,” Lisa explained. “I don’t really have time to hang out or anything – I thought you wanted to talk to me about something.”
Gavin’s face plummeted at once. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.” And, Lisa thought, he looked very unhappy about it, too.
There was a strange silence between them, broken only by the sound of Natu rummaging in his bowl for the best seeds. Lisa understood from the silence that Gavin was reluctant to talk; that he might even be regretting adding that postscript on his letter.
“Gavin – what did you want to talk about?” she said in cautious tones.
He directed his pale face away from her, apparently examining his bed sheets.
Lisa felt herself become slightly worried for him. “Come on, Gavin, it’s me – you can tell me anything –”
“No I can’t!”
He responded so quickly, and with such aggression in his voice, that Lisa actually jumped. Gavin was looking right at her now, his face indignant. Lisa did not want to say anything.
Then Gavin said, all at once, “I won’t be going back to the safe house with you.”
“What?” said Lisa in disbelief. “That’s crazy, of course you are. Why would you even say that?”
“Because I’m not going back with you,” Gavin repeated unhelpfully. His voice was slightly thick; it sounded as though his teeth were clenched. “You’re going back to the safe house because your parents are part of the Guard. In case you didn’t notice,” he added, and there was a sudden venom in his voice, “mine are dead.”
It never ceased to throw Lisa when Gavin brought up the fact that he was orphaned, and every time she felt a rush of guilt, as though she ought to have been more helpful to him. But what was she supposed to do when he never wanted to talk about it? And even if he did, what could she physically do? She was his friend, and her parents had always been kind to him and been more than happy to let him stay when he needed to – but what else did he expect her to do?
So she said, “I did notice. But I don’t – I don’t know why you’re saying this. I don’t understand, Gavin.”
Looking as though he was drawing from an almost dry reservoir of determination, Gavin continued. “You know how they died, right?”
Lisa felt the usual awkwardness of talking about Gavin’s family’s past. “Y-yeah … the great psychic being – or the Giant Gengar –”
“The great psychic legendary killed them,” Gavin finished, relieving Lisa of the necessity of remembering the exact details of what Gavin had told her so long ago. Then he said, “I’m pretty sure now – and I know we’ve kinda talked about this before – but … it has to be Lunanine, right?”
Lisa gave up trying to work out where Gavin was heading with this; she considered his question seriously. “Well, we never actually talked about it like it might have been the creature that killed your – you know …” She didn’t want to say it. “But it seems like it has to be Lunanine, doesn’t it? I used to think maybe it was Lugia. But – with Lunanine – I mean, the amount of times we’ve seen him …” She counted in her head. “Okay, so it’s been three times, but that’s more than just about anyone in history,” she said, recalling the research she had undertaken when creating Lunanine’s pokédex entry in November. “Gavin, what’s your point?”
He surveyed her intently. “So you agree that it’s probably Lunanine?”
“Yes, but –”
“I’m getting to it, Lisa,” he said abruptly. “You remember how my family’s curse works, right? You get your psychic powers. Then the psychic legendary – probably Lunanine – tests you. If you fail to defeat him you die. If you pass, then – well, I have no idea what happens, because nobody’s ever done that before.” He paused, apparently steeling himself for something; then he said, in a voice so rushed it sounded as if he was reading a list, “My Dad died when I was three. My Aunty died when I was nine. My Mum died eighteen months ago. My Uncle Eusine died in December.”
The way he listed the deaths of four of his family members so robotically raised goosebumps on Lisa’s arms.
“The beast moves on to the next Luper in line,” Gavin continued. “I realised, when my Uncle Eusine died, that I was next. But my psychic powers disappeared – they didn’t return to me until that night at the roadhouse, remember? Just before we walked to Mt Fairfax.”
“When you woke up screaming from that dream …” breathed Lisa, recalling the night after she and Gavin had rescued Marina from the Union.
“Right,” said Gavin, catching her eye. “I knew, then, that it was my time to do something. I thought to myself that night: ‘After we go to Dervine and find Professor Oak, I have to start preparing myself.’”
Lisa stared at him, bewildered and slightly afraid of the doggedness in his eyes. Suddenly she couldn’t help herself.
“Gavin, I still don’t see why any of this means you can’t come to the safe house with us!”
Gavin scratched behind his ear nervously. “I could come, Lisa,” he said slowly, “but I’m not going to. Don’t you get it? The Guard are taking you to the safe house because you’re a guardian. But I’m not! I’m part of a curse. And this is my chance to break it. I don’t want to die like my parents. I want to have a good shot at beating Lunanine. I’m going to train.”
And without waiting for Lisa to respond (she didn’t think she could find her tongue quickly enough, anyway), he said, “Once they discharge me, when I’m healthier and stronger, I’m going to make my way to Olivine City. I’ll take a boat across to Cianwood Island. There’s an old seer there who lives up in the Island’s wildlands. Apparently he might know something about how to harness your psychic powers.”
Lisa felt completely stunned. She could never have predicted this was what Gavin wanted to tell her. Rather than concern for him, however, she felt irrational anger bubbling within her. How could he just leave her like this?
“Couldn’t you train at the safe house?” she said very quietly.
Gavin sighed heavily. “Not really. Lance said I could …” He broke off temporarily as Lisa gaped at him in surprise. “Yeah, Lance came to visit me.”
“What did he say? What does he think about you doing this?” demanded Lisa.
“Actually, he visited me to tell me to do it. He didn’t know I was already planning it.”
“What?”
Gavin nodded seriously. “He said that my connection with Lunanine was important to the Guard.”
Lisa’s jaw dropped slightly lower. Gavin pushed on.
“Apparently my family’s curse is somehow tied in with the Legend. So Lance wants me to train myself and prepare. He’s the one who gave me the lead about the Seer. He’s going to get someone to help me on my journey and stuff, someone from the Guard.”
“How –” Lisa struggled to find the right question to ask, for it seemed that scores of them were springing into life within her brain. “How are you – connected to the Legend?”
Gavin looked away from her again. “Lance has some ideas, but he said I’m not allowed to tell anyone, not even you.”
Lisa was not particularly hurt by this; the idea that Gavin was not going to come to the safe house with her had cut much deeper. She had somehow – naively – always assumed that Gavin would be there by her side. They had travelled together for so long, and experienced so much side-by-side, that she somehow had not foreseen a future without Gavin around her. She wanted to yell and rage and sob all at once.
“So, what, we’re just not going to see each other again then?” she said sorely.
Gavin was looking determinedly out the window. “Don’t be stupid.”
Lisa scowled at him behind his back. “What does that mean?”
“Well, of course we’ll see each other again!” cried Gavin hotly, still averting his eyes; Natu raised his head, bemused by his master’s raised voice. “Lance said I can come to the safe house when my training’s done.”
“And when will that be?” demanded Lisa.
“How am I meant to know? A few months maybe, I dunno.”
Lisa felt tears spring to her eyes and blinked them away rapidly, glad that Gavin was looking everywhere but at her.
“Well, I’ll see you then I suppose,” she said suddenly, standing up. “My parents will be waiting for me.”
“What?!” cried Gavin, finally whirling around to face her. Lisa had turned and was half way to the door when Gavin shouted, “PLEASE, LISA, DON’T GO!”
It was the desperation in his voice that made Lisa stop.
“Please, just wait a minute, don’t leave it like this,” said Gavin quietly.
Lisa turned around on the spot very slowly and locked eyes with the boy she knew was her best friend. And without meaning to, she rushed to his bed and threw her arms around his shoulders.
“Be careful, alright? Just be careful,” she whispered into Gavin’s ear, as he entwined his skinny arms around her.
“So you’re OK with me going?” he replied in a muffled voice.
Lisa squeezed him more tightly. “No. I hate you for going. I can’t believe this is even happening. I can’t believe you’re going to leave me. As selfish as that sounds. But I know that’s what you’re going to do anyway, and I can’t stand in the way of that. So I have to let you go, don’t I?”
She blinked. She hadn’t known she felt that way until the words escaped her mouth.
“I’m pretty scared,” said Gavin.
“I’m petrified,” Lisa replied, still embracing him.
“Can I ask you something?” came Gavin’s voice, very close to Lisa’s left ear. “If something does happen to me – can you make sure everything’s sorted out? Like … I dunno how these things are worked out, but if I don’t come back from Cianwood Island, if the Union gets me, or Lunanine … would you take care of things for me? Would you take care of my pokémon and everything? I don’t have any family left now to do that for me, you know. And you’re my best friend.”
Lisa could not believe her ears. The revelation that Gavin worried about such morbid things completely threw her, and for the first time in her life she fully comprehended how alone he was in the world. Her heart filled with pity and compassion.
“Gavin, of course I would. Gavin, I’ll always – I’ll always be here for you. I'll always be your friend.”
And, almost unconsciously, she kissed him on the cheek and tasted a salty tear rolling down it.
Gavin breathed in sharply, as though he had been caught out doing something terribly unmanly. But all he said was, in a deep and raw voice, “Will you really?”
“Of course I will, Gavin. I promise.”
Originally Posted by mr_pikachu
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