Hm! So that's what's going on - well, sort of. As you said, we certainly did not get the complete picture; the "legend" that Prof. Oak mentioned is still completely unexplained. I'd be willing to bet that Lisa's dream was somehow accurate, though it's difficult to say in what way. Still, this was certainly a lot of information. But with every question you answered, another has been asked...

Despite this chapter being little more than dialogue, it was still quite good. The explanation Oak offered seems fairly valid, at least, and the mysteries inherent within it give us yet another reason to look forward to the next update. And the massive battle? I shudder to think how that could turn out. Also, you made the lengthy explanation more interesting by adding bits about Gavin's sleep and Lisa's emotions. Remarkably, I understand Lisa's emotions quite well; to me, at least, it wasn't very confusing. Good work here.

However, some parts of your style seemed weaker than your normal work. There are two examples in particular that I'd like to bring up. I hope you don't mind their extreme length.


Lisa felt as though she was glowing, giving off some kind of ethereal, beautiful light; for a fleeting second, she thought she would gladly have traded that moment when Oak told her about the legend for the rest of her life in its entirety up until then. For it was not simply the information that an ancient legend involved her that filled her with emotion – it meant that she was not crazy, or disturbed, or plagued or cursed. It meant that everything that had happened since October – the mystery, the deaths, the danger – the overall chaos of it all – was not a random event; it was not spiralling toward some kind of disaster. It was not something that she could have stopped. It was - it had all been - completely out of her control; as Oak had just said, the Legend had a power – a binding power – over her life.

“ This must be quite a shock,” said Oak, his voice pained. “ I understand if you need some time to take it all in.”

“ No – I’m – I’m quite fine,” said Lisa, trying not to sound too elated at the news Oak clearly thought would trouble her. “ Really … this is … kind of good to hear.”

“ It – it is?” Oak asked.

So… many… dashes! Other punctuation marks could be used just as properly in these cases, and it would really help the redundancy issue.


Lisa didn’t mind obliging; the news about the Legend had stimulated her too much for her too be sleepy anymore; she launched into the explanation of their pursuit of Oak; how they had thought that his second disappearance might have something to do with the Legendaries, as his first disappearance had, and as such they had travelled as fast as possible to Dervine – stumbling upon Raikou, Lunanine, Marina and the Union twice (Lisa didn’t mention the appearance of her mystery informant) – hoping to find out what link – if any – the Professor had with the Legendaries.

This is a very long sentence, with lots and lots of semicolons. It might be good to break it up a little.


Still, though, this was quite good for a chapter that was meant to do little more than reveal information. You're as good as ever at throwing tension into the mix, and the bits of Gavin's sleep behavior worked quite well. I thought it wasn't quite as good as some of your earlier chapters, but as we all know, you set the bar high. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Will they be rescued? Or is their capture imminent? We can only wait and see...